Middle Age Blues
by LTP-girl
Summary: Mike loses confidence in himself. A ne friend from SVU tries to help him through it.


**Kind of a Mike fangirl fic. The storyline does get kind of rough with Mike, and I didn't intend for it to get so intense, but I thought by writing this it would send a positive message. Another one of my 'poor Mike' fics, set after he's promoted to Bureau Chief. I think it has a somewhat happy ending though:-D Let me know what you think*^_^***

Disclaimer: I do not own the _Law & Order_ franchise and its characters.

Manhattan County District Attorney's Office, NY

Office of Bureau Chief Michael Cutter

Tuesday, 1:00pm

Mike removed his tie with frustration. He bent down to open the bottom drawer of his desk where he kept his spare shirts and ties in cases of emergency, such as this one.

There he was, simply walking down the hallway minding his own business, when clumsy Cabot of all people bumped into him, spilling her scolding soy macchiato down the front of his pressed white shirt. If only she hadn't been sipping her coffee while she was walking, her glasses wouldn't have steamed up, which had momentarily blinded her, and he wouldn't be in such a mess.

The svelte blonde apologised profusely, but Mike had found himself in such a profound state of annoyance, that he walked off before she could finish explaining herself. The condensation left on her lenses had not completely evaporated, his abrupt departure leaving her apologising to midair like a crazy woman.

He removed a clean shirt and tie from the pile in the drawer, and placed them on his desk, before quickly unbuttoning the soiled shirt he was wearing. He stopped to examine the reddened burn on his stomach. He grimaced, lightly touching the heated and swollen raised skin with his fingers.

_That will leave a mark. _

He tugged at one of the rolls on his stomach, dissatisfied with the toll countless late nights at the office with Chinese takeout and frappechinos had taken on his body over the years. He was reaching that age.

No, not even Michael Cutter could fight a receding hairline and slowing metabolism.

A miserable sigh escaped his agape mouth, clutching the love handles around his hips, his fingers sinking into the flab.

"_Get off the field, Tubsy!" _he recalled Thomas Winton, a fellow team member, shout out to him jokingly at batting practice, the obnoxious man's baritone voice ringing in his ears.

He hadn't time to get to the gym to work on his fitness, not with his new acquired responsibilities after being promoted to Bureau Chief of Sex Crimes. God, he had certainly let himself go. For the first time he had felt partially glad that Connie Rubirosa was no longer around, to see what a flabby old coot he had become in recent months. Although, if she hadn't left the office in the first place, he wouldn't have let himself get this way.

He removed his shirt and dropped it onto the floor before picking up the fresh shirt sitting on his desk and unfolding it.

At that moment, Alex Cabot wrapped her head around the door of his office, her sincere green eyes touching his furious blue ones. "Mike, I just wanted to say I'm sorry again about..." She noticed the stern look on his face. Her lily white complexion turned beet-red almost instantly, realising that she had walked in on him in the middle of changing his shirt. "Oh, I didn't mean to barge in on you. Sorry." She quickly closed the door and left.

She rested her head against the cold wall of the hallway outside Mike's office.

_Damnit, damnit, damnit! Nice one Alex, first you spill boiling coffee on your new boss, and then you go and walk in on him with his shirt off! _

She started to feel like the bandy-legged four-eyed ditz she was back in high school.

At that moment, she noticed Olivia Benson make her way towards Mike's office.

"Hey Liv, what are you doing here?"

"I'm just taking Mike out to lunch," she told her. She lowered her voice. "To say he's been down in the dumps lately would be an understatement, so I'm taking him to this salad bar I know."

Alex sounded excited. "Oh, is that the new place on 23rd? I've been wanting to try their peri-peri chicken pasta salad."

Olivia paused for a moment, not wanting to discourage her. "Sorry, Alex, just me and Mike today. You can tag along some other time."

Alex huffed. "Fine, just don't expect me to invite you to drinks with Fin and Munch tonight." She flicked her blonde locks, and made her way down the hallway towards the elevator.

Olivia shrugged, opening Mike's office door.

She strode broadly towards his desk. "Hey Mike, coming to lunch?" she invited.

Mike glanced up at her, still buttoning up his shirt.

God, even his fingers had got fatter he realised, fumbling with the buttons.

She noticed his struggle and approached him. "Here, let me help you," she offered, buttoning up the remainder of his shirt. She picked up the tie he had laid out on his desk before lifting up his collar and tying the piece of satin it around his neck.

He figured that from her abrupt confidence, as well as her job, proudly parading a gun in the holster of her pants, she was probably a lesbian anyway, so he let her have it.

"What knot would you like?"

"What?"

"You're tie?"

"Oh, um, I don't really mind," he answered sheepishly.

She tied a Windsor knot. After having finished, she patted his chest. "There you go, all done."

He glanced down at the fine job she had done, pleased with the result.

"Where did you learn to do a tie like that?" he asked. "Don't tell me you dress up in drag."

She laughed. "Actually, when I was in high school, I did a year at an all girls' school with a strict dress code, plaid skirt, tie, blazer, everything," she explained.

"That's probably where you became a..." He stopped midsentence, not wanting to say something he'd regret.

"What?"

He looked away. "Never mind." He walked towards his office window, and leaned on the ledge. "Hey Liv, I need an objective opinion," he said, changing the subject. He smiled at her. "Please."

"Yeah, sure Mike, what is it?"

He glanced down at his waist, the flab surrounding his stomach and torso now bunching as he sat down.

_More rolls than a bakery, _he mused to himself despondently.

He looked back up at her, his eyes pained. "Liv, do you think, I, um I-I'm fat?"

Olivia was surprised. "What?"

"You know, do you think I've put on weight?"

She had noticed that he had indeed gained a few pounds, but she personally didn't think of it as something to worry about. In fact, the extra weight gain had made him appear a lot healthier. And it certainly hadn't stopped the female officers down at the precinct from ogling him whenever he payed a visit to the squad room. Olivia had even found herself glancing his way every so often. There was just something about a guy in a suit that got her juices flowing. She was surprised that Alex had never done the same, and figured that she was either too professional to indulge in such behaviour, or simply batted for the other team.

She made her way towards him, her eyes softened. "You're talking about this, aren't you?" She tugged at the role around his waist with her thumb and index finger. She did the same with her own waist. "Look, I have that too," she told him, trying to cheer him up. "Everybody has their own insecurities, Mike. It's a fact of life."

Mike scoffed slightly. "Well, not Alex Cabot. She's perfect! I feel like some fat schlub when I'm in the same room as her."

Olivia was amused by how much of a little boy Mike had sounded when he said that. She lowered her voice. "You know, Alex would kill me for telling you this, but, uh... when she was in high school... she had really bad acne. The kids in her class called her every a name under the sun. She now takes medication for it," she informed him. "Oh, and she told me that whenever she goes to the beach, she has to wear shorts, to cover up the cellulite and spider veins on her thighs."

Mike stifled a laugh. "I find that very difficult to believe."

"It's true. And Cragen, I bet he wishes he had a full head of hair."

"And I bet Alex would be totally lost without her glasses," Mike joined in.

"Exactly! Everybody has something about them they wish they could change. The point is, that all those physical things don't really matter. I mean with Alex, all those physical flaws don't change the fact that she is a great person as well as intelligent, and a talented lawyer... And so are you."

He stood from where he was sitting. "Yeah I guess you're right."

She smiled warmly at him. "What do you say we get some lunch? Salad okay with you?"

"Yeah, salad's fine."

Tommy's Sugar 'n' Spice Salad Shack,

Manhattan, NY, 

Tuesday 1:45pm

Olivia and Mike were about to leave the establishment, when a young waitress approached them from behind.

"Excuse me Sir?" she enquired. "You're Michael Cutter aren't you? I served on your jury once." She sounded excited. "And I've seen you on the news."

"Ah, yeah, that's me," Mike replied with a self-conscious smile. "And you're name is?"

"Carol Braithwaite, I was juror number five in the Shadwell case. Your summation was so passionate and inspiring..." The young woman's eyes beamed, and her cheeks blushed slightly. "I hope you don't think this too forward of me, but would you, um, consider going out on a date with me?"

Mike was taken aback by her proposal. "I-I, ah, I don't know..." His eyes met Olivia's, not sure what to say.

"Oh come on Mike, say yes," Olivia urged him, patting him firmly on the back.

He glanced back at the young woman. "Ah, yeah, sure. Not every day an ex-juror asks me out." He let out a slight chuckle.

She handed him a card with her phone number on it. "Call me on Thursday night," she told him.

He took it gladly, and slid it in his jacket pocket.

"This is so great! Your lunches are on me." She exchanged glances with both Mike and Olivia.

Olivia and Mike headed up the sidewalk where Mike had parked his car.

"She was keen on you. Cute too." Olivia noted. "And here you were thinking you're not worth that much."

He let out a peeved sigh, not convinced. "Yeah, I should get you to do my ties more often," he replied deadpan.

**What do you think? Feel free to comment:-D**

**A/N: I really didn't mean for this fic to get as ugly as it did. But like I said, hope it sent a good message:-p**


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